Red Batman

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) (ALARM BLARING) WOMAN: Stop him! He's stolen the pulse regulator! You tawdry technological twits should be honored that Lex Luthor deemed your prototype decent enough to steal! So long, dummies! (LAUGHS) Those fools had no clue what they had in their hands. A quantum battery. Exactly what I need to intensify my own device. Once I connect it to my Kryptonite radiation emitter, I'll have everything I need to destroy Superman. (LAUGHS) I don't think so, Luthor. End of the line. For one of us, Superman. (GUN CHARGING) (CRACKLING) You're going to have to do better than that, Luthor. Impossible! My calculations were perfect! (BUZZING) - (SUPERMAN EXCLAIMING) - (CRACKLING) That's unexpected. Maybe I didn't carry the one. (CHUCKLES) BOTH: You're coming with me, Luthor. (LAUGHS) Er, no. (GRUNTING) Calm down, friend. We have to stop Luthor, but we don't have to be mean. Get out of my way, impostor. Whoa! (GRUNTS) (GROANS) We clearly got off on the wrong foot. Then try this one. Now where were we? (GRUNTS) I must be more brilliant than even I suspected. - (GRUNTS) - Hey, friend. Let's talk this out. I can brew some tea. (GRUNTS) This show is so good, I should have brought popcorn. Violence never solves anything! (GRUNTS) Hey, Lex. Your suit looks like it could use a tune-up. - Back away, Wonder Woman. - (GUN CHARGING) Even I don't know what my emitter might do to you. - (CRACKLING) - (EXCLAIMING) Fascinating. Apparently, mutated Kryptonite affects humans, as well. Please surrender, or I'll ask you a second time. Disgusting. I'll show you how a warrior seizes her victory. Careful, sister. I don't wanna hurt you. Well, that makes one of us. (GRUNTING) - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) (GRUNTS) (GROANS) (MOANS) - Wonder Woman. Ha! - (GROANS) Yeah, I wonder how anyone could be so gullible. No. We take this, and deal with the others later. (GROANS) (GROANS) Please allow us to escort you to a lovely prison cell. Let me get this straight. Bad red versions of both of them knocked you around, then flew off with a faulty radiation emitter? Faulty? My device exceeded expectations! Your red opposites have half your powers and all your aggression. Good luck beating them with these bluebells. I brought you some spare blankets. These cells can get drafty. I like the way you're thinking, Wonder Woman. We may have some of Flash's turkey meatloaf left over from our League pot-luck. I'll heat some up for our guest. Guest? (STAMMERS) Maybe we should check in with Batman. Before someone decides to redecorate Luthor's cell. My primary concern is where they took that emitter, and what they plan to do with it. If we found them, we could ask them. Told ya. They've taken good to a whole new level. A weird one. The emitter has a unique Kryptonite radiation signature. I should be able to track it with our satellite. Well, that's clever thinking. Let's give Batman three cheers. - Please don't. - BOTH: Hip, hip, hooray! - Hip, hip, hooray! - (COMPUTER BEEPS) Found it. They're hiding in one of Luthor's abandoned labs. - Let's go. - Hip, hip, hooray! We'd be only too happy to help. Yeah, we got this. Maybe you two could keep cheering or something. It is pretty fun. BOTH: Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! RED WONDER WOMAN: I say we cause an emergency so big, it draws the entire Justice League. Then we make duplicates of all of them at the same time. Free our red brethren from their blue shackles. They probably already told the Bat. It won't be that simple. That's right. It won't. They found us. Take them down, fast. - I'll grind them into paste. - (RED SUPERMAN COUGHING) And here I thought I'd like a bad Wonder Woman. (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) Ah! (GRUNTS) - (GRUNTS) - Arrow! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) - (EXCLAIMING) - (CRACKLING) Finally. It took you long enough. Time for some exercise. - (KNUCKLES CRACKING) - (CHUCKLES) (GRUNTS) Batman, I have nothing but the utmost respect for your skills. Let's talk this out. (GRUNTS) Should we help him? Wait. I wanna see this. (GRUNTING) All right. Truce. Really? You mean it? Of course. Great. In that case, we can (GRUNTS) (GROANS) We should dig out the archer and give him a blast, as well. You're thinking too small. If we connect the emitter to the Watchtower, and beam the signal through our satellites around the world, we can split everyone at once, including the entire League. The reds will conquer the blues, and then we'll be in control. That's not a bad idea, for a man in a red Batsuit. Come on. (GROANS) Batman, we have to warn the others. (GROANS) Just 10 more minutes, Alfred. I was having the most fascinating dream. Come on, you got to wake up. Snap out of it, Bats. I'm back. Let's move. Now there's the Batman I know and fear. I hope. (TYPING) We're connected, but we're running low on power. We'll only get one shot at this. BLUE BATMAN: What a mess! Come on! Element of surprise, remember We talked about this. Do the right thing. Give yourselves up. We'll forgive you. I'm only going to say this once. Please. And bull's-eye. Get that emitter. - Uh, uh-oh. - You should run. (EXCLAIMING) (GROANS) Don't! The battery won't have enough energy to beam through the satellite. (BLUE LEX GRUNTS) (GROANS) Perhaps I can be of some assistance. - (WHIRRING) - There. I've wired the emitter to the Watchtower's power core, solving the battery issue. With a flip of this switch, all the Leaguers around the world will be split in two. May the worst hero win. My sentiments exactly. (LAUGHS) I knew I liked you, Lex. Yeah, man. I look dreadful in red. I'm just letting you know. (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) (WEAPON COCKING) (WEAPONS COCKING) Fool! You're targeting us! (ALL EXCLAIMING) I apologize for my distasteful subterfuge, but it was the most expedient solution. (ALL GROANING) (BOTH YELLING) I've gotta say, I did not see that coming. Wait, wait, wait. What just happened? How is red Luthor good? The blues contained our true natures, while the red was an aberration. In Luthor's case, blue Luthor contained the true nature of evil, while I was the aberration. A good Luthor. Hold up. You whacked the other guy with a chair. (MOANS) Now, how is that good? It was the only way I could see to help everyone. Believe me, it hurt me more than it did him. (WHIRRING) Well, not so fast. A good Luthor could be great for the world. This is not the way it was meant to be. Great heroes make great sacrifices. This is mine. - (YELLING) - (CRACKLING) Betrayed and beaten by the one person I always thought I could trust. Me. I always knew you had a good side, Luthor. But I never figured it would be your smartest side. Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. 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