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The city is in the throes of a crime wave. And rumor on the street is that Spider-Man has given up. Which is good news, since Spider-Man is a menace! Huh. Even in other realities I can't get away from j. Jonah and his j. Jonah mouth.

If Spider-Man has quit, I personally guarantee that we will see an immediate drop in the crime rate. This just in. In a possibly unrelated story, we have a robbery in progress. But it's probably Spider-Man.